When we are not going to give our child what he desires, it is often valuable to let them know that we wish they could have it. This can be done as a fantasy wish: “Oh, Harry, I know how much you want Mommy to stay here tonight. Wouldn’t it be great if we could copy her and have two Mommies! Then one could go out with her friends and one could stay here with you!”, “I know your arm really hurts, Mara. I wish I had a magic wand that would take all the hurt away.” For our children, when we give them what they need or desire, we convey a valuing of their feelings, but in those situations in which their desires will be frustrated the fantasy wish still conveys that their feelings are valued.
